Coming and Going

Coming and Going

"Life is about coming and going". That is what my cousin Bill said at his mother's funeral yesterday.  I wrote that down (actually I typed it into notes on my iPhone).

My Aunt Bertie was my mother's sister. She was 86. She had raised five children and worked and volunteered at a variety of things. She and Uncle Ken had been married for 69 years. She had done a lot of coming and going. But she had spent the last twelve years in a nursing home. Alzheimer's had ended her coming and going. But that did not keep her husband Ken from coming and going to her. Twelve years of coming nearly every day to the nursing home to see his wife. Twelve years of going back home to an empty house. Nor did it keep her children from coming to and fro to visit. Coming to make sure she was taken care of and then leaving to take care of the other responsibilities in their lives. I am sure there were times that the coming and going was difficult and probably a few times they asked why. But some things you just do because it is the right thing to do. You come and you go because that is what life is about.

So yesterday we gathered for her funeral. To be honest I argued with myself a little about whether I should go or not. I had not seen her in a long time and I did not know my cousins very well. It would be a long trip and would my going really be that helpful? But her children had come to both of my parent's funerals and some of them had even made the trip to Virginia when my niece died. I had been honored by the care and concern demonstrated in their coming and going. So I decided that I wanted to go and I determined that I should. Though I had not yet heard my cousin Bill say it, I guess something whispered in my ear that life is about coming and going.

So I went. Brock who is always up for a trip came with me to keep me company. We shook some hands and hugged some necks and caught up on a few people. We shared a few memories and sang some of my Aunt Bertie's favorite hymns. We celebrated the life she had lived and we rejoiced in the heaven she now enjoyed. Then we left.

I am so glad that I came. There are some things we just need to stop and go do, because life is about coming and going.  And you know sometimes we get so busy with the comings and goings of life that we forget that life is about coming and going.

Tomato Pie

It finally happened! My wife Jeanette and I have been married 30 years, 5 months, and 15 days. In all that time she has never made a pie. Oh, she has made plenty of cakes, cookies, brownies, candy, and sweet rolls. She has even been known to make a cobbler. But never has she made a pie. She says it is because she does not like pie. But she likes me, doesn’t she? Yes, I am sure that is true, but that like has never translated into a pie. Despite my request, my begging and pleading, cajoling, sad faces, and perhaps even attempts to shame her she has never made a pie. I have had to rely upon friends and neighbors and family members and the nice ladies from the various churches where I have been pastor to satisfy my craving for pie. I have had pies from some of the finest cooks on earth. I have received pies that not only satisfied the pallet but were pleasing to the eye. I have had sweet pies and tart pies. Hot pies and cold pies. I have been blessed with nut pies and cream pies and pies made from every fruit imaginable. But my sweetheart has never made me a pie. One would think that after the all the nice things I have done for her and all the wonderful things I have said about her she would bake me a pie. But it has not happened – until today. On the 30^th year, 5^th month, and 15^th day of our marriage my beautiful wife surprised me with a pie. It was a tomato pie! I must say it was very good. I ate two pieces. It was the first tomato pie I have ever tasted or for that matter the first tomato pie I had ever seen. Jeanette has never lacked for creativity. Now understand this was not a desert pie. But it demonstrates love and effort and progress and it was good and it proves that she can do it. Oh yes, believe me it counts, it was a pie!

One Thousand and Forty-Six Weddings

I own a precious heirloom that I am quite proud of. It has no real value but it has a lot of value to me. It is a simple ledger book that my mother purchased in 1956. Within it she recorded the names of the men and women whom my grandfather, Morgan Williams, performed wedding ceremonies for along with date of the wedding. There are 1046 entries in this book. The dates range from July 2, 1923 until Nov. 21, 1961. According to my mother my grandfather had a record of all the marriages but they were recorded in a number of small notebooks. Wanting to secure this piece of history in one volume she purchased the simple ledger book and personally took on the task of recording the names of each couple and the date they were married. There are 1030 entries up to July 25, 1956, all written with the same pen in my mother’s handwriting. Sixteen entries are recorded over the next 5 years with different pens and a variety of penmanship. My grandfather died in 1962. At some point after his death and before my grandmother’s death in 1974 my mother secured the book and held onto it as a precious part of family history. My grandfather Williams was a country preacher in Laurel County, KY. He was also a blind man which meant he needed assistance in completing the marriage documents. Even as a young teenage girl and into her early adulthood my mother had often served as his scribe, hence the personal importance of this piece of heritage to my mother. About ten years ago my mother gave the book to me. Mother’s memory was fading by this time but when she gave me the book we sat down together and for about an hour and a half went through the ledger page by page. She knew a lot of the people and could tell me some tid bit of information about them. I was surprised how many of the people I knew.

I recently went through the book and discovered that 876 of those weddings took place in just over a decade between 1940 and 1950. In fact 662 of them took place in the five year period between 1945 and 1949. In 1945 my grandfather performed 127 weddings. His most prolific year was 1946 when he performed 219 weddings. He performed 145 in 1947, 96 in 1948, and 80 in 1949. It does not take to much knowledge of history to figure this out. The boys were coming home from war and were either reconnecting with or finding their girls and starting families. My grandfather was a good friend with the County Clerk. The couples would come to the courthouse and get their marriage license. If they were in need of a minister to perform the wedding he would suggest that they go see my grandfather Morgan Williams. Fact is, during that time period he was not that far away. Often he was at the courthouse anticipating the need for his services. During the course of his ministry there was 31 times that he married three couples on the same day. On nine different occasions he married four couples on the same day. Seven times he married 5 couples on the same day. And on March 29, 1947 six different pairs of brides and grooms stood before him and said “I do” to their vows and he pronounced them husband and wife. Only in Vegas and places like London, KY.

Those were different days. It was in many ways a different culture. What pre-marital counseling was done in those days was done by grandma and grandpa and other such elders in the community. Weddings were simple but they were important and memorable. Saying “I do” did not mean “I’ll try” it meant “I will”. Yet, I am certain that within the 1046 marriages that my grandfather solemnized there were some that failed. Some kept their failures secret. Some learned to endure and work through the tough spots. Some ended up back at the courthouse. I am certain that some were gloriously happy and have fond memories of the day when they got their marriage license and found a preacher who would do the honors and send them on their way. I guess the truth is some would have looked back on their marriage experience as a mixed bag of trials and blessings. Love kept them together and they endured the trials because they enjoyed the blessings. That is the way marriage is. That is not going to change whether you get married in a cathedral by a priest or down by the courthouse by a country preacher.

Thirty Years Ago

My wife and I have been married thirty years today. We were married at a little chapel in downtown Kansas City, Missouri, just one block away from the Kansas state line. Our wedding was simple with just our parents, siblings, niece and nephew, and three other friends attending. My wife’s pastor performed the ceremony. Our life together has been a busy and circuitous journey. We have lived in just two states but have had 10 different addresses. I have had seven different employers. We have three children and together with them have traveled in 42 states and Canada. We have been a lot of places, done a lot of things, met a lot of interesting people, encountered a few challenges and have found solutions to or resolve with most of them.

Thirty years in some ways seems like a long time. For one thing there have been a lot of changes over the past thirty years. Thirty years ago we were still using one of those big heavy typewriters (and a lot of whiteout). We had scarcely heard of the internet. Yet here I am today communicating to people and places in different parts of the world with a click of a mouse. Thirty years ago we would seek to eradicate any mouse that got in the house and now I have a mouse at my right hand a great deal of the time. On the other hand thirty years does not seem long at all. It is not so long ago that I cannot remember holding my wife’s hands, looking into her eyes, and saying my vows. I can still hear her voice as she said her vows to me. I guess if you had thirty years with the wrong woman it would be a long time. But I have been fortunate to have spent the last 30 years with the right woman and it does not seem all that long.

Thirty Years Ago

©2013 Brent Cloyd

Man and woman, pledging no more to be single

Bride and groom, excited that their lives would mingle.

Husband and wife, in love, with hopes and dreams aglow

We were married at the chapel, thirty years ago.

Fifty-Seven Years Ago Today

 

Today is my mother and dad’s fifty-seventh wedding anniversary. They did not have a long courtship. Their first date was in August of 1955. They went to the Laurel County (KY) Homecoming together. A little over 5 months later on January 29, 1956 they were married. My mother says that the first time she ever saw my dad he was driving a Farmall H tractor. My grandfather had two farms separated by seven miles and according to her he would drive by and throw up his hand. One day when he drove by, he slowed down, brought the tractor to a stop, turned off the engine, and there perched on the tractor seat asked my mother for a date. That’s the way my Mama tells the story. Truth be known she flagged him down. Since my dad gives a much different account of their first meeting it is quite possible that my mother’s version has been embellished somewhat. But since mother’s Alzheimer’s will not allow her to defend her version of the story I think I will just let it ride.

Big, fancy, expensive weddings were not the norm in the culture where they were from. Most people just went to the pastor’s home or perhaps to the church and had a simple private wedding. There was the pastor, the bride and groom, and two witnesses you had secured to “stand up with you.” My mother and dad had asked my dad’s brother and his girlfriend (who would soon be his wife) to stand up with them. Together they went to the home of a country pastor and farmer whom everyone called “Preacher Kirby”. There on this day fifty-seven years ago, they “tied the knot”.

There have been a lot of anniversaries since then. Some of them have been great celebrations. The recent ones have been tough. Mother has been suffering with Alzheimer’s for over 10 years and for over a year she has not known us. Dad has a slew of heath problems himself. So I suppose tomorrow the extent of the celebration will be a visit to the nursing home that will differ little from other such visits. I wish it could be a happier occasion. But fifty-seven years ago today they stood together before a country preacher who asked each of them this question: “Will you take this woman/man to be your lawfully wedded wife/husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, so long as you both may live”. And they said “I do”.

 

Fifty-Seven Years Ago Today

                            2013 Brent Cloyd

 

With new dress and suit, flowers, and hair fixed just right

The dreams, plans, and labors of our lives would unite

My brother and his gal stood beside us on the spot

To give witness to the world that we tied the knot

We stood nervous before the preacher at his home

Promised to cling to each other; never to roam

Said “I do” to the questions; gave the preacher his pay

Man and wife; fifty-seven years ago today.